A Work in Progress

This novel is formatted as Will’s journal, written in the seventh grade. Each page is lined as if the words are written on lined paper. The use of short verse lines rather than prose creates a lot of white space on the page. These spaces are often filled with drawings and doodles by Will, who has a passion for drawing. The drawings relate to the content he is writing about. The journal begins with a prolonged flashback about the events that introduce the theme of Body Image, Self-Critique, and Self-Acceptance (at this point, his lack of the latter). When his narration returns to the present day, he discusses how Individual and Systemic Anti-Fat Bias affect all aspects of his daily routine at school.

Due to Nick’s public insult, dysmorphia, and the fear of being observed and judged—for instance, in hallways or the store—will affect Will for the rest of the novel. An escalating set of drawings between Pages 3 and 12 shows how this event changes Will’s self-perception. The first, on Page 3, shows Nick scowling and calling himself “fat.” The next shows Will surrounded by the heads of peers. These peers are not only using the word “fat” but also words like “Yuck,” “Ugh. So gross,” and “Ugly” (5). This second picture shows how Nick’s insult ushers in more derision toward Will from his peers and a qualitative judgment about the descriptive word “fat” in Will’s mind. Will now associates “fat” with these insulting descriptors. Though Nick’s appearance is brief, it has an outsized influence on the internal conflict Will faces throughout the novel.

The drawing on Pages 6 and 7 shows a silhouette of a face shouting the word “fat” and Will running away. The fact that the silhouette doesn’t show anyone’s identity symbolizes how Will feels like the insult can and will come from anyone; it also emphasizes that it doesn’t need to be coming from someone specific to be harmful. Page 9 shows a drawing of a brain. In all the folds of the brain, the word “fat” repeats, showing how Will is internalizing Nick’s insult. Finally, on Page 14, there is an image that visually parallels the drawing on Page 5. Instead of being surrounded by the faces of six peers, six repeating images of his face surround Will. These drawings show how an external insult becomes widespread and alerts Will to the anti-fat bias of broader society. As a result, he internalizes these external judgments and often imagines people saying critical things to him based on an action he takes. For example, when he goes to buy chips, he envisions a grown-up cashier saying things like, “How about / you grab an apple / instead?” (67). When he sees the cashier is a fat woman, he feels a sense of relief. Though he doesn’t know her and doesn’t speak to her, the fact that she is fat, too, makes him feel like he will not be degraded and dehumanized by her. At this point in the novel, Will feels like no thin people can understand what he is going through—including his mother. 

Nick’s comment and the link he makes between fatness and badness have a dehumanizing effect. It makes Will feel like he is “less than” and that he does not deserve things like love, kindness, or food. When Will’s friends try to cheer him up, he suddenly feels like he “should be thankful / that they still wanted / to be friends” (17). Friendship is a reciprocal act, and friends naturally stand by one another and cheer one another up in adverse circumstances. But the inferiority Nick’s comments instill in Will removes that reciprocity from the friendship. Will feels like he owes his friends much more than they owe him simply because he is fat, which he now perceives as embarrassing and “less than.” This tension establishes the theme of Authenticity, Friendship, and What It Means to Be Seen as Will becomes increasingly self-conscious about the way his friends perceive him and worries he does not deserve their friendship. 

These chapters also introduce the beginnings of Will’s disordered eating. Because of his fear of being perceived and judged, he barely eats anything in the cafeteria. When the bell rings, he locks himself in a bathroom stall to “cram” and “shove” and “force” things into his mouth, “barely / even pausing / long enough / to chew” (63). His actions at this point in the novel share characteristics with binge-eating disorder, namely eating alone due to embarrassment for how much he is eating, eating quickly, feeling disgusted or very guilty about himself, and feeling a lack of control during a binge-eating episode. He writes that he does “want to” eat but is overwhelmed by the feeling he “ha[s] to,” and so he eats “whatever / he can find” until the act of eating drowns the noise in his brain (84-85). This demonstrates how Will’s negative emotions and fear of being scrutinized by everyone around him feel all-encompassing. As the novel progresses, Will increasingly engages in self-harming behavior as he struggles with body image and self-critique due to the anti-fat bias society at large and his peers hold.